I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
50% drunk capacity currently
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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