yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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