im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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