i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He felt like a one man threesome
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
