im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
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He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
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He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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