it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
