shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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