Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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