Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
