If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
