Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
