Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
handjob tips. give me some.
im holly from the hills drunk
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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