I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
