i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
