So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
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Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
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God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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