Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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