any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
