you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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