I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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