I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he fucked my hip out of place.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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