My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
