My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
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She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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