so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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