I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
