I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
