Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
