Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
