I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
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She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
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I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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