He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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