I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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