Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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