Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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