happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My vagina is officially offended.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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