Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
