I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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