Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
