i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
