thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize