went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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