Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Fuck appropriateness.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
