u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
