Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize