I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
