I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
