SEEEEXXX PLEASE
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
