Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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