Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
