Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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