absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
