sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
