if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
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She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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