soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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