Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
