so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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