She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
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like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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