did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
