I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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