I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
