I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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